On a cold, wet day, a young woman stepped out of a horse-drawn carriage and made her way up the steps and into the doors of a vast church.

Draped in velvet and fur and wearing a heavy, jewel-encrusted crown, she walked slowly up the aisle was seated on an ancient throne.

There, behind a curtain, the high priest anointed her hand, breast and head with holy oil - as kings, priests and prophets before her were anointed. 

When the veil was lifted, the young woman was transformed from mortal to monarch.

She had accepted God’s sacred mission to grace and dignify the Earth - to give ordinary people an ideal to strive towards, and to be an example of nobility and duty that would raise their spirits as they lived their wretched lives.

The National Wales: The Queen, Prince Phillip and their children, 1968. (Picture: PA Wire)The Queen, Prince Phillip and their children, 1968. (Picture: PA Wire)

When the young queen asked what her mission actually entailed, she was told that it was best to do nothing and to say nothing.

Do not agree and do not smile. Do not think, or feel, or breathe, or exist. Another veil came down.

After all, who wants transparency when you can have magic?

The people marvelled at the magic and the medals, the glitz and the glamour, even though the queen’s ancestors had stolen their land and sent their ancestors to die in battle  in order to steal more land, and more wealth - often through the enslavement of others. 

They rejoiced when the queen gave birth to a son and heir, even though he turned out to be an adulterer who befriended a paedophile bishop, one of the UK’s most prolific sex offenders.

Her second son behaved even worse than his elder brother, accused of child sexual abuse, until his mother kindly stepped in to bail him out.

Still the people loved her - though some began to ask why they should keep giving huge amounts of money to a family who didn’t do much other than go to the races, sail big yachts and shoot animals for fun.

READ MORE: Heading to the beach this weekend? You might be on the Queen's property

Some questioned why this family should live in luxury, paying no tax, while others lived and died in poverty - but no one was listening, because Her Majesty was answerable only to God and good for tourism.

And so her glorious reign continued.

Every decade people held parties to celebrate, raising glasses to toast their queen. They praised her wisdom, and the stability her long reign brought, even though the economy was going down the pan more often than not, and they were losing their jobs and homes.

The National Wales: Prince Andrew's interview with Emily Maitlis on his relationship with notorious sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein caused embarrassment for the royal family. (Picture: PA Wire)Prince Andrew's interview with Emily Maitlis on his relationship with notorious sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein caused embarrassment for the royal family. (Picture: PA Wire)

But that was the government’s fault, not hers.

Along came grandchildren. One played pool with no clothes on and dressed up as a Nazi, echoing the sympathies of his great-great-uncle, Edward VIII. The queen as a girl was herself filmed performing a Nazi salute.

Never mind. When you’re answerable to God alone, you can get away with it.

As the queen approaches the end of her reign, people will once more gather to toast her life.

I hope more of us will reflect on the reality of that life rather than the fantasy we’re sold. It won’t take a leap of imagination to finally realise a different future without monarchy.

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